I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
