Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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