Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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