I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she told me i tasted like america
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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