So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
