that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
