Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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