no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
