He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
