I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
