Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize