If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
