you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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