We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
