It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
