Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize