it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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