a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
