Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
