Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize