i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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