I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize