I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
