): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Be still, my beating vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
