I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize