That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
