im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
