I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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