plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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