I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i already hear my dad disowning me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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