its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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