alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wear drunk well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
