She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
