Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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