she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
