Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
