No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
