As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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