I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
