I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize