when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
