After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
