This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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