This girl is more easily done than said...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
