oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
