I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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