i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
