I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
