the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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