and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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