i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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