I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
