Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
