Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
