maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
