Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
