break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
