What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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