Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
