Duck Duck Cougar?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
