Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it's like iHOP with fire
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
