what day is it and did you see me today?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
