I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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