Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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