I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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