I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize