Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
