After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize