You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
