Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
