how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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