dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
