well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
