Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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