I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
