I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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