Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
