Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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