So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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