I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
