i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
