My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
