Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
