if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can text with my tongue
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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