i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
