My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize