Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
