You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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