I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
