how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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