i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
