If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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