just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
