Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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