And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
