I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
