I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
