I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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