I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
